Letters to Lovers written by ilovecastlenz
by CastleloverHolly
Summary: Life imprisonment, or 10 years apart. That's what Richard Castle and Kate Beckett have to face. Being sent away to different countries, and having their email and phone monitored, Rick and Kate have no way to contact each other.
1. Chapter 1

_**DISCLAIMER: does not own castle**_

_Written by ilovecastlenz she had trouble unploading this so im uploading it for her_

_"Don't worry Kate. Everything will be fine. Everything will go back to_  
_normal after this. How bad can it be?"_  
_But something inside Richard Castle told him that nothing would be ok._  
_The doors to the courtroom opened._  
_All eyes were watching the pair. He glanced across at Kate, giving her_  
_a reassuring glance. Time passed, but Richard Castle didn't hear a_  
_word. Everything will be ok, he told himself over and over._  
_Then he heard it. The word that decided his future._  
_"GUILTY"_  
_He looked over at Kate. She looked at him. Then they were lead away._  
_Life Imprisonment, or ten years apart._  
_It couldn't be that bad. Then the conditions came in. No contact_  
_whatsoever, including emails, phone calls. They would have one day to_  
_say goodbye._  
_Castle was to be sent to Montreal and Kate was to be sent to Rome._


	2. Chapter 2

_It all started late. Castle and I were heading home after dinner._

11 March 2013  
Dear Rick,

Where to start? I hope you get this. If you have, it means that your  
daughter and mother have done me a favour I don't think I could ever  
repay. Not being with you is something I didn't imagine I would ever  
have to do. I'm so sorry about what happened with everything. It's all  
my fault. I put you in this position. Being a cop, I never expected to  
be the one being punished. I know it's only been a couple of weeks,  
but things still haven't sunk in. I keep expecting to open a door, and  
you will be there to jump out at me. I miss you so much. Everything  
here is so unfamiliar to me. I feel so lonely. I keep forcing myself  
to continue with my life, but I don't think I can face the world yet.  
I feel as if someone's reached inside me and torn a huge part of my  
life out. I don't think I can be without you for ten years. I thought  
that after everything that happened, I could finally get on with life.  
You're the one who helped me get through everything, and now? I'm  
sorry Richard. I was the one who told you to go there. I should stop  
writing. In case this letter ends up in the wrong hands.

I love you so much, and hopefully someday we can see each other again.

Yours truly,

Kate Beckett  
Xo

24 March 2013  
To someone remarkable,

Kate. I never thought was going to hear from you again. When I looked  
in my mailbox and saw your letter, I cried. It's hard for me to admit  
that I, Richard Castle, a fully grown man cried over a letter, but  
yes, I was overwhelmed by emotions. That letter brought hope into my  
life. A hope that things might start getting better. Kate, it isn't  
your fault. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Like  
that bomb that went off? You remember that case right? Wrong Place at  
the wrong time. It's not your fault. I miss you so much, Kate. I can't  
imagine what life will bring. The first night after arriving in  
Montreal, things happened, and I woke up in the gutter. Don't worry  
about it. I realised that what I did wasn't going to change the fact  
that you were gone. I'm living in a small apartment. One bedroom, one  
bathroom, kitchen and living room. It's not my loft, but it's better  
than a prison cell. I've been feeling so lonely, and hearing from you  
made me feel as if you were sitting right next to me. With everything  
that happened, Black Pawn wanted me to write a conclusion to Nikki  
Heat. Sometimes people come up to me and ask me either "Are you  
Richard Castle, the author?" or "Are you Richard Castle, the  
criminal?" I spoke to mother yesterday. She told me that everyone  
misses us back at the precinct. Even Gates. Would you believe that!?  
It's been raining for the past five days. But the sun is starting to  
come through.

I hope you are well, and I promise that the world will know the truth one day.

I love you.

Rick


	3. Chapter 3

_We had been talking about the incident at dinner. Those people who_  
_tried to take our reservation, the two of them._

30th March 2013

Dearest Richard,

When I first saw your letter in the mailbox, I thought I was going  
mad. I feel as if the next 10 years won't be so bad any more. I'm so  
glad to hear that you're OK. I've been worrying. It's funny because  
five years ago, I would have been pleased to spend ten years apart  
from you. Now, I would do anything to spend ten more years with you.  
Love sure is crazy. I had some neighbours around yesterday. One of  
them, Josie, has lived here for all her life. The other one, Eva,  
lives in New York. I don't know if you've heard of her, she's a famous  
lawyer for criminal cases. She had been keeping up with our trial.  
She said that she would go over the case files. Eva has only been  
here for a month, but she seems to know everything about Rome! The  
people here are really nice too, but I know what you mean about them  
coming up and asking you if you're the person from the trial. It is  
weird how quickly word gets around! I got a call a few days ago from  
authorities. Came to check that there was no contact between you and  
I. I was so afraid they would find something! Apparently our trial is  
still showing on TV. It has been quite popular! There has been a lot  
of debate over what actually happened. I got a letter from the  
precinct. Gates said that if she's still captain in ten years, I'll be  
allowed back on the job. Speaking of jobs, what are you going to do in  
Montreal? I have no clue what to do here. I can't imagine sitting at a  
desk all day! Eva has invited me over for dinner, so I better get  
ready.

No matter what happens, everything will be ok.

Love, Kate

5th April 2013

Dear Kate,

I got the visit too. I was afraid that they would find your letter. I  
hid it under a floorboard. After they had left I spent the next half  
hour trying to find which floorboard I had hid it under. I remember  
hearing about Eva. She did that high profile murder case a couple  
years back, didn't she? I hope your dinner went well. I haven't really  
talked to my neighbours yet, trying to stay off the radar for a bit  
till everything's settled. There has been a lot of talk about what had  
happened, so people don't won't me working for them because of safety  
reasons! How ridiculous! I've started on the final Nikki Heat book. A  
few days ago I saw Frozen Heat in a bookstore, and I started to tear  
up. This person asked what was wrong, I just said 'hay fever'. What  
happened that night, it's not your fault. Whoever did this will be  
caught. Do you remember that case, when the triple killer tried to  
frame me? It's just like that Someone was trying to frame us, and the  
succeeded. And at least we are still living. It could've been a lot  
worse.

Thank you for always being there.

From your plucky sidekick,

Richard.


	4. Chapter 4

_Someone had been following us for a few weeks. A dark shadow. Watching_  
_from across the street. We could see him from the restaurant._

11th April 2013

Dear Rick,

Everything's been going alright here. I'm surviving, I guess. It's  
hard without you. Josie has been showing me around Rome. It's a  
beautiful city, though I suppose you have already been here. I was  
talking to Eva. She was saying that some things hadn't been looked  
into enough, and had just been assumed because of the evidence. She  
has some files being posted over from New York. I have applied for a  
job. Not many jobs are available here. It's for a receptionist at a  
Law Firm. I don't know how I will cope sitting at a desk all day, but  
the pay isn't so bad. At least it will give time to reflect. Castle, I  
miss you so much. It seems like a century ago that I first met you.  
All those theories, all those arrests. I would love to be back there  
now, working on a case. Dad said that everyone has become closer back  
in NY. Javi sent me a present yesterday. It was my old badge. Gates  
said that I could have it. It reminded me of the good days. Eva and  
Josie have been really supportive. I've been telling them about you.  
Eva wanted me to pass on the she hopes that one day she can meet you.  
How's Montreal? Is it different to NY? I've never been there either.  
Maybe we could meet up sometime! In ten years. By then I'm sure you  
will be sick of it.

Do you ever wonder what things might be like if what had happened  
hadn't happened? I think about it all the time. I keep wondering what  
we might've been doing right now.

I hope your well and coping with everything that happened better than I am.

Kate.  
Xo

18th April 2013

Dear Detective Beckett,

It feels so natural to call you Detective. After five years of calling  
you that, I don't think I will forget it. It's a name that has stuck.  
I don't think I'm coping any better than you. It's amazing how much  
one can miss a person. I keep telling myself that everything will be  
ok, but I can never quite bring myself to believe it. I've written the  
first few chapters. Martha and Alexis sent over my laptop. The  
authorities had made sure that no traces of you were on it, however  
Alexis put a memory stick inside the mouse. It has all the photos of  
you on it. I spent the whole day looking at them. I think there is  
some pollen in the house because I started crying again. I was looking  
at the newspaper and decided to see if any jobs were available. I  
found one that suited me. I will be writing replies for the editor.  
He thought that given my writing experience, I would be good for the  
job. Hopefully I will also be able to continue writing books. I have a  
great idea for a new book. A receptionist! I would never have  
suspected you as a receptionist. A lot of things have taken me by  
surprise in the past year.

Sometimes I think about what we would be doing if it hadn't happened.  
But mainly I think about what's to come in our lives. What life will  
be like when we can see each other again.

I think that when that day comes, it will be a day never to forget.

Love,  
The Ruggedly Handsome Castle.


	5. Chapter 5

_I had left my gun sitting on the bench top. It's not like anyone would_  
_take it._

24th April 2013

Dear Rook,

Heat and Rook. Are they happy? I hope they are. Today its Eva's  
birthday. She received the files a few day back. I don't have much to  
say. I feel empty. A few days ago I went shopping with Josie.  
Apparently the delicious Italian food doesn't go unnoticed. That's all  
I'm saying on that subject. How's the job going? Mine is really quite  
a bore. Not nearly as exciting as being a detective. I can imagine you  
doing a little dance when you got the job. I think I'm having a bad  
day.

Love you,

Heat xoxo

30th April 2013

Dearest Kate,

I want to quote Alexis. My wise daughter whose good qualities I know  
not where they came from.  
'Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar, everything that  
was comfortable. We're moving on. But just because we're leaving, and  
that hurts. There are some people, who are so much a part of us,  
they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground, Our  
North Star, and the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with  
us, always."

I feel as if that speech is appropriate to what has happened lately.  
It's been almost two months since we were separated. That day is  
etched into my memory. Two months out of two years. A lot of things  
will happen in that time. We just have to stay strong.

Love you forever

Kitten xx


	6. Chapter 6

_As we walked home, I felt a strange feeling brewing inside me. I_  
_ignored it._

16 May 2013

Dear Castle,

Just as I thought my life was starting to get better, everything came  
crashing down. I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a while. Eva is  
gone. Last week at around midnight, there was a scream. And my cop  
instincts clicked in. Something smashed. I went to get out my gun  
but…. I don't have a gun. By the time I got out the door, everything  
had gone quiet. The lights were out. Being without a gun in a  
dangerous situation is uncomfortable. Her door had been knocked down.  
When the police came, they asked me if anything might've been stolen.  
At first I couldn't think of anything that could've been taken. Then I  
realised. What the whole thing was about. Everything that had involved  
our case had gone missing. Everything. Including Eva. It's my fault,  
Castle. I shouldn't have encouraged her. Now she's gone. No trace. I  
didn't take it well. I finally managed to pull myself together so I  
could write this.

Everyone close to me, I end up hurting. I don't know if I can do this anymore.

Castle, I wish you were here. Everything's falling apart.

Kate.

22nd May 2013

Kate.

I'm so sorry, I really am. Don't give up Kate. We can get through  
this. Hold on. Never give up hope. I'm really sorry about Eva. It's  
not your fault. None of this is your fault. You are one of the  
strongest people I have ever met in my life, Kate. You have been  
through so much. Eva sounds like a fantastic person, and I'm sure that  
the police will find her. She could've been working on any case, just  
because she was involved with ours doesn't mean that she was kidnapped  
because of it.

I believe in you Kate. Don't ever forget that. Everyone back in New  
York believes in you as well. You have never let anyone down.

Stay Strong.

With Love,

Rick. xo


	7. Chapter 7

_The taxi driver drive us to my house, where we got out, but the Rick offered if I wanted to stay at his house so we went back to the taxi. I wish now we hadn't gotten back in the taxi._

13th June 2013

Dear Rick  
Thanks for your letter. If it weren't for you, I don't know where I'd be in life. I think I'm starting to move on from Eva's kidnapping. Although ill never forget what happened, your letter made me realise that I can't hang on to something's forever.

Looking back, I guess I was nîave. I thought that after my mothers murder had been solved, nothing else bad could effect me. But look at me now. Separated from the people I love and care about, lost a friend, lost you. The authorities said that the next lead that they get in the whereabouts of Eva, ill be able to help the police out. Josie had this idea to go shopping. She thought that it could cheer is up. She also thought that i needed some new clothes. I think she may have been hinting at something then. I've never like shopping, but we had a really great time! We both bought all these random clothes, most of them ill never wear anyway.  
You were right about the job. It took what happened off my mind which was really good. There's a parade on tomorrow. Josie wants to take me to it! It sounds like fun!  
How are you, Rick? I've been so caught up in everything that's been happening around me that I haven't even asked you how you are. How's your job? I hope everything's going alright. How's Montreal? Someday you must take me there.

Thank you, rick for never stopping believing in me. It meant a lot.  
Love, Kate xoxoxo

6th June 2013

Dear Kate,  
I hope that you are alright. I think that is being apart is changing how we see the world. I don't know how, but I think it is. It must be so horrible for you right now with everything going on. It's not your fault that Eva is gone. What her mum said is true. Don't feel as of you have to take the blame. Hopefully getting back to work will take your mind off it. It's great that you have someone like Josie to lean on when times get tough. My next door neighbor is a workaholic. Gets in at 10, leaves at 6. It's crazy just the world works. I don't think anyone is ever completely emotionally stable. Don't let it bother you. You are someone who I know can handle this. Your letters never bore me. It's something I always look forward to. I'm keeping this letter short because I know that in times like this, you want space, and sometimes the small things can be too much.

I love you, Kate, and I always will. Nikki Heat loves Rook, and Rook loves her back.

Love, Castle


	8. Chapter 8

_The taxi driver drive us to my house, where we got out, but the Rick_  
_offered if I wanted to stay at his house so we went back to the taxi._  
_I wish now we hadn't gotten back in the taxi._

13th June 2013

Dear Rick

Thanks for your letter. If it weren't for you, I don't know where I'd  
be in life. I think I'm starting to move on from Eva's kidnapping.  
Although I'll never forget what happened, your letter made me realise  
that I can't hang on to something's forever.

Looking back, I guess I was naive. I thought that after my mother's  
murder had been solved, nothing else bad could affect me. But look at  
me now. Separated from the people I love and care about, lost a  
friend, and lost you. The authorities said that the next lead that  
they get in the whereabouts of Eva, I'll be able to help the police  
out. Josie had this idea to go shopping. She thought that it could  
cheer is up. She also thought that I needed some new clothes. I think  
she may have been hinting at something then. I've never like  
shopping, but we had a really great time! We both bought all these  
random clothes, most of them I'll never wear anyway.

You were right about the job. It took what happened off my mind which  
was really good. There's a parade on tomorrow. Josie wants to take me  
to it! It sounds like fun!

How are you, Rick? I've been so caught up in everything that's been  
happening around me that I haven't even asked you how you are.

How's your job? I hope everything's going alright. How's Montreal?  
Someday you must take me there.

Thank you, Rick, for never stopping believing in me. It meant a lot.

Love, Kate xoxoxo

23 June 2012

To Kate,

It makes me happy to hear that you are getting on OK. Letting go is  
the hardest part, and it always has been for anyone. When we say  
goodbye to someone or something that we always hoped would be there in  
our lives, that's what really tears us apart. Because we tie strings  
to the people we care about and we never think about what might happen  
when those strings are cut. But we can fix those cut strings. In a way  
I feel as if the strings tying us together have been battered, but we  
have always mended them. And I think that us being apart has made  
those strings stronger. Made us understand more about who we are, and  
who we know. I think that those strings will continue to get stronger.

Montreal is an amazing city. It's not the same as New York, but I  
think that it is a city I could find myself getting along with for the  
next ten years. It's a sunny day today. Yesterday, I went out with  
Olivier and Rose, my next door neighbours who are getting married  
soon. They took me on a tour around town as well as to the Olympic  
Stadium. After Eva's kidnapping, our case was on the news again, but I  
think that people are starting to realize that we are not going to  
harm them. I heard from the authorities that we will be allowed to see  
'Parents/Children of the convicted'. I think convicted is a harsh word  
to use. I personally would've used 'wrongly accused'.

Oh well, bed is calling, have to be up for an early start at work.

Don't let the little things bother you, Kate. People will always be  
there for you.

Rick :)


	9. Chapter 9

_We drove to Castle's house in silence. Martha was out on a weekend_  
_away and Alexis was at college. We paid the taxi driver, then walked_  
_up to his loft. Something wasn't quite right._

1 July 2013

Dear Rick,

That thing about letting go was really sweet. Today was one of my  
workmates birthdays. We didn't get much work done. Josie helped me  
make the birthday cake. We all had a really good day. Earlier in the  
week the police found some new evidence connected to Eva's kidnapping.  
Like the police promised, I was allowed to look at the evidence and  
case files. I found a few things that didn't seem quite right, so I  
sent the files back to the police to review. Hopefully something new  
will surface. Like you suggested, I'm not letting myself get too  
emotionally involved in her case. It's for the better. Martha and  
Alexis are coming to visit tomorrow. I hope I don't let them down, I  
don't think I could live with it. I'm also guessing that my dad will  
be visiting you. I would just like to let you know that in about two  
months Josie and I have planned a trip. We will be stopping by in  
Montreal. I know that there are spies out there watching our every  
move, but maybe we could sneak a visit in. It's dangerous and the  
consequences could be extreme, but I would risk it for you.

I continue to think about you constantly. Not in a punishing way, but  
just because I have so many good memories.

Oh! That picture?! That's Josie and I! I don't know what I expect you  
to do with it, but I wanted you to have it. I should be off. Got to  
get some sleep for tomorrow!

Love Kate.

11th June 2013

Dear Kate,

Guess who visited me last week?! Your father! I got a bit emotional at  
first. He asked if I was crying but I said it was the onions. Even  
though we were in the elevator up to my apartment. He gave me the same  
look you used to give me. I felt like I was living my old life. Back  
in New York. Back with you. And Everyone else. Solving murders and  
catching criminals. I miss that. Although I am adjusting to life in  
Montreal, it's just not the same. Your dad and I talked for ages. He  
told me about life back in New York. He told me about what has been  
happening. Yesterday the authorities came to escort him back to New  
York. The also did a check of the apartment. I thought that they would  
find this letter. It was on my bedside table. But they didn't. I  
almost had a heart attack I was so afraid.

Thank you very much for the picture. I put it in my wallet. That way  
you are always with me.

I am so excited for you to come. About the time you are coming, there  
is a fair on. It is a very busy fair, so maybe if we meet up in one of  
the tents. I am so looking forward to it. I don't care if we get  
caught, it will be totally worth it.

Can't wait to hear from you,

Castle


	10. Chapter 10

_We noticed that the door to Castle's loft has open, but Castle said that he had just forgotten to close it. Castle walked in first, and then stopped. Suddenly his face drained of colour. He said 'Call the cops'._

17th June 2012

Dear Castle

It is so lonely here now that Martha and Alexis have left. Life has been pretty boring, but Josie and I have sorted out some of the itinerary for our holiday. At work, we had this little challenge we all had to do. So we each had to pull out a moral act from a hat and write a story on it. Mine was friendship. I'm not quite sure how to end it though. What do you think?

One upon a time there were a group of little girls who wanted to cross the enchanted forest to get to the other side. Once they reached the other side they would be granted riches and each have their own castle to live in. So one day the little girls were walking in the enchanted forest when one little girl at the back fell over and scraped her knee on a liquorice thorn root. But because she was at the back, the other little girls kept walking. And she girl cried. Not because her knee hurt (although it did) but because she was afraid. Because she was afraid that she would be left behind while all her friends left without her. But just before dark, when the little girl thought she had been forgotten, all of her friends stepped out in front of her. The little girl told them she thought they had forgotten her. They told her that they hadn't forgotten her, they had waited behind the tree because they knew that she was strong and would be able to pick herself up and the little girl asked why did you come back now then? And the techno-girl told her that a heap of witches was heading their way. Another little girl who was really nice put a plaster on the little girl's knee. Then all these witches stepped out if the shadows and all the other girls drew their weapons. But the little girl with the plaster on her knee stepped forward and put her weapon on the ground and said:  
'If you fight, I can't stop you. If you back down, I can't stop you. But I can say this. This is a quote from someone who meant a lot to me. 'There are no victories. There are only battles. And the best you can hope for is to find some place to make your stand.' And if this is my spot, I know I have found people who are willing to stand with me'  
All the other girls lowered their weapons. The girls formed a circle and put their hands into the middle. And when all the girls put their hands into the middle, a circle was formed around them. A circle made not out of magic, but out of friendship and trust. No matter how hard the witches tried, they couldn't break the barrier. The witches gave up. They knew they couldn't break the barrier, it was stronger than any kind of magic.

And then I got stuck.

Gosh, I miss you so much Rick. I can't wait for this to be over. Hope everything is going well. Only a few weeks left!

Love Kate. Xo

21st June 2012

Dear Kate,

Wow. I really like your story. That would definitely pass the WCC. (Writers Critiquing Committee – I don't know if it exists, but I can always imagine). As for the ending, I would personally write this:

'When the little girls got to the edge of the forest, they each had to say goodbye to each other. Saying goodbye is the hardest part. But the girls knew that every girl held a place in their heart. They knew that whatever happened, they would always be there for each other. The End! '

I am actually so excited about your visit. Olivier, Rose and I have been helping set up for the Fair. It will be amazing. Some of the items going into the tents look amazing. SO many people here are helping out. I hope it will be a great turnout!

I will keep this short, because I hope you will be packing for your trip!

Love you forever, Rick.


	11. Chapter 11

_At first the investigation was going well. But soon more evidence started to point towards us. Then evidence began disappearing. Every lead, every trail, they all pointed to us._

28th June 2012.

Rick.

I've finally sorted out the plans. Also, Because I'm leaving in 3 days, I won't get your reply till I get back, so best to wait in case my mail is being watched while I'm gone. The reason I'm being so paranoid is because I've been seeing this guy in the shadows - a bit like how Agent Stack was watching us during that case. But this time I'm getting bad vibes. So be careful.

I'm staying with Josie in a small hotel. We pass through France for a few days, then Germany, then Montreal. I should arrive in Montreal on the 9th. The festival is on the 10th at night- I should have time to get a costume. I've been reading all about it online, and I've decided the best place to meet is in the Hall of Mirrors. Slightly creepy, I know, but that way we can see everyone. Josie is going as a green elf, who knows why, so if you see me talking to one don't worry.

I've been looking at maps of Montreal. After the Hall of Mirrors, there is a back alley root that then passes through the park before heading underground, kind of like that pathway we took when we found the secret room under the Old Haunt. By taking this path, we end up a block from Josie's sister's house; Josie said we can stay the night there instead of having to pass through Hotel security. The only problem is because we have to pass through the underground path, we will get muddy, so we might leave a trail. No one should be able to tell it's us though. The pin for Josie's pace is 1147. That's in case we have to split up.

Still no news on Eva, but I think I've made peace with the fact I can't hold onto her forever. You make friends, you lose them. It's life. You can't keep grasping at a hope for redemption when you know it's never going to happen. It's something that humans never understand. Why do we have to lose the people we love? When they go, the memories start to fade, until one or two memories are left. It might be the first time you met them, or it might be hearing them laugh. But I will never forget you. No matter what happens, you will always be with me wherever I am.

I should go now. The authorities want to check that I won't be making contact with you. This whole thing is risky, but then again, like Royce once told me, 'Risking our hearts is why we are alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only.'

Love Kate. xox


	12. Chapter 12

_I got dismissed from the case along with Castle. Two weeks later, the cops showed up at my door and arrested me. A few days later they arrested Castle._

15th July 2012.

Kate.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Where to start! It was so great seeing you again. I can't even describe how amazing it was. Yes, I know I cried, but you did too! You looked so healthy and so happy, I was worried you had changed, but you are still the same Kate Beckett I met whilst investigating the murder of Alison Tisdale. Wow. It has been over a week since you left to finish off your holiday and I am still gushing over being able to see you. To look at you. To talk to you and to kiss you. To tell you how much I love you. I haven't stopped smiling since. Meeting in the Hall of Mirrors was a fantastic idea! I could see you but I couldn't tell where you were. When you were standing in front of me for the first time in 5 months, I couldn't hold back the water works. People were looking at us, but I didn't care. All I could think about was you. People say that their life flashes before they die? Well the past five years started to flash before me. All these memories of you laughing, crying, kissing, smiling, they all came back to me, especially that eye roll. Haha. You were right about the underground tunnel. It was definitely like the one we took two years ago. So similar that if I woke up in there, I might've thought I was back in New York. The whole time we walked I had the song 'Impossible' playing in my head. Because I thought I would not be able to see you for ten years. But I just saw you. And I'm so glad we risked it. Having you lying next to me in bed bought a strange wave of comfort over me. Being able to hold you whilst the night ticked on. It was like a dream. But it wasn't. You were real. We risked our lives. And it was worth it.

Saying goodbye to you in the morning was the hardest part. Life is so un-predictable. One minute we are sitting having coffee, the next we are both in lock-up, the next I'm in Montreal and you are in Rome. Unbelievable. Life is a rollercoaster, and you have to enjoy it. I can feel it in my heart that I will see you again- even if I don't know when. But that's life, we cannot control it, it controls us. It leads us to new places, to make new friends, every event becoming a linchpin.

When you got shot, I asked you to stay with me. It seemed silly at the time, just a phrase that came out of my mouth as I watched the person I loved die. But know I realise the true meaning behind what I said back then. You are a part of my heart, and I want you to be there forever. Call me greedy, but you have made me see a different side to the world that I would have never seen if I hadn't met you. You have changed me, Kate Beckett, and I thank you for that. I am a better person. And I love you very much.

I got carried away. Sorry. Tearing up again. Sigh. I hope you made it home safely. I miss you already. But it was so much fun. What an adventure. It has been a long few weeks and I really need to sleep. You are remarkable, Kate Beckett.

Love, Castle


	13. Chapter 13

_I've put so many people away, I never thought that I would be one of them..._

1st August 2013

Bonjour Castle!

Although I'm in Rome, I feel like speaking French! Crazy, right?! I've been so elated these past few weeks! All my colleagues think it was the trip, which is partially correct, but only Josie knows the real secret. Thank you for meeting me. It was dangerous, but totally worth it. Except for the hall of mirrors. That was scary. I can't even handle two of me (when Natalie visited), let alone 100! My gut tells me I'm going crazy. I hate to admit this, but you've changed my gut. Not literally, of course, but ever since meeting you for the first time five years ago, I've begun to believe in the possibility of magic. The POSSIBILITY, Castle, not the real thing. I miss you already. At least we aren't in Witness Protection, but honestly, we might as well be with all these rules. But I'm glad we aren't, because I can still see you, write to you, and love you.

Josie took me to a record store the other day. I already have a record player, a gift from Eva when moved here. But it had been sitting in the corner, getting older and dustier as the days went on, until Josie saw it. Horrified, she immediately took me shopping for some records. So that's what I've been doing all afternoon, painting the wall and listening to records, humming the tunes of songs from the 60's, 70's and 80's. remember you once said that you knew you were in love when all the songs made sense? Well, it's true. There's this one song, Valerie, by Amy Winehouse, and the first few lines went like this:

'Well sometimes I go out by myself, and I look across the water.  
And I think of all these things, what you're doing, in my head I paint a picture.'

It's exactly what I've been doing. Thinking about what you're doing right now, thinking about the future. Oh I should stop. This is too depressing. All the happy helium inside me is turning into plain oxygen. What a bore.

I should go. Really. I must. I don't have anymore paper left to write on. But I'm procrastinating. I don't want to place that last full stop, fold the paper, seal the envelope.

Ew. How cheesy is that.

10th August 2013

Kate,

Being the experienced and highly acknowledged writer that I am, I diagnose you with being a fomantic. Yes, you read that right. A funny romantic. Your letter was so funny. I laughed till I cried. Maybe it was because I needed a good laugh, or because I miss you. Or all of the above. Either or, I will never stop missing you.

I decided that I wanted to listen to Valerie, so I downloaded it onto my phone. I was about ten seconds through, when I realised I wasn't doing it right. So I went out, and 45 minutes later, I came home with a record player and the '69 record of Valerie. After a wee while, ( it took some time to set up; I was never that good at following instructions), I had Valerie blasting out in my living room. I totally get it. She totally gets it. Wow. I must be going crazy too. What a surprise.

Oh! I forgot to tell you. The authorities visited last week. Told me you had visited. I feigned shock and broke down into somewhat fake sobs. Then they left. I guess there really is some acting skill in my blood after all.

What were you painting? You've always had good taste, especially with me :)

Have you bought more paper? I would hate for something as small as paper to set off a linchpin that ultimately leads to a cease fire of letters through the mail.

Summer is slowly turning into Autumn, and the leaves are already starting to turn red and gold, and it reminds me that it's been almost 6 months since we left New York. Since someone else decided our futures for us. We are one twentieth of the way there.

Don't loose hope,

Rick xoxoxo


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